I have not posted my usual Moon day Goddess of the Week entries the past two weeks, this is not for lack of trying! I have just had a crazy schedule and I’m completely entranced in my studies with the House of Netjer’s beginner’s class. I’m working full time, maintaining a house hold and taking the class. I’m taking my studies very seriously. So, unfortunately Wondrous Wave has fallen by the wayside. I’m very thankful that Ocean has created such beautiful spreads and sent them along to me to post for everyone here, he’s been on an upswing in productivity when I’ve been on a down swing.
I’ve been absorbing all of the material, reading a lot of books and forums and articles and all the leg work-but when it comes to having the time to do the spiritual work…there’s been an issue. I wanted to rush into doing the daily ritual, I wanted to do it so badly that I started prepping and buying materials a week in advance to be ready to jump right into the process of doing the ritual that I kind of lost sight of what the ritual is about… I asked my guides via divination if I had their blessing to do this ritual and to devote myself to the Kemetic deities and they responded with this:
Allow us to love you, we have your best interests in mind and will always be there for you. Sometimes you don’t understand what all we do for you and why we do the things we do–just allow us to love you.
Take some time for yourself, meditate, access the situations and how you feel. This is your path and you’ll be the one walking down it so make sure before you jump into anything that this is actually what you want.
Look through the situation, take a moment and step away and see the big picture with open eyes. Don’t get caught up in the details, look at everything.
So my guides are spot on as per usual about how I am. I get so caught up and read all the books and do everything I’m supposed to do to the finite details but the big picture was somehow lost. I was going to start doing the daily ritual today but instead I’m taking time writing this all out and accessing. There’s so much to process when you start a new path in your spirituality. I’m starting over. You’ll start over too, many times. This is the third what you would call “crisis of faith” in my lifetime so far and I’m not even 25 yet.
Many people think that a crisis of faith is when your faith is rattled and you don’t believe in anything anymore, or God anymore. For me, it’s not that- I have always believed in the Divine. There’s never been a question. I know for a fact in my heart that there is Divinity in this Universe. My crisis of faith is always how I see that divinity because I tend to fall in love with many Gods and Goddesses along the way and then can’t choose which way to follow. My heart is so accepting of divine love, I want it. I want it so badly, I don’t care which form it comes from–whether it be Maha Kali or Jesus Christ or Quan Yin or Venus or Babalu Aye or Yinepu (Anubis) or any other deities you can name off the top of your head! To me they are all perfect, they are all beautiful and I have a deep love and respect for all of Them.
I used to think “how could a person be so eclectic? How could they spread themselves out so thin? Why not stick to one pantheon and explore it to the fullest? I’m just sampling until I find MY pantheon where I’ll devote myself.” Of course, this thought process was when I was a teen witch just trying to find out what was right for me. I have now become what I could not understand then, isn’t life funny?
Many times I thought I had found my pantheon and explored but always hit a bump in the road or a clash with my own personal morals and ethics and then moved on to another pantheon. There are so many Gods and Goddesses out there.
My guides and deities are okay with me devoting my main energy to the Kemetic deities because they love me and want me to explore and do what’s best for my path. So now I’m thinking, maybe I made all of those connections and spread myself so thin to learn how to fall in love with deity of any shape, form, color, size, sex, etc and now my next lesson is to learn how to devote myself to one pantheon even though I love so many. It’s kind of like learning monogamy. I don’t believe humans are naturally monogamous in romantic relationships, we’re not penguins. I think this is a societal construct that we try to adhere to, there’s discipline and structure. There are rules and things you just shouldn’t do if you want to make your partner feel safe and keep the trust there… I don’t believe that’s something that’s a part of the base human wiring of the brain. This is something learned and worked on and continued for every single day that you pledge to be with one other person and devote yourselves to them. So now, in a way– I’m learning spiritual monogamy. (Even though the House of Netjer does not recognize spiritual marriages between a human and a Name, other African Traditional Religions do recognize a spirit marriage. I don’t literally mean to marry a deity, I just mean devotion…it’s just a metaphor.)
So in this way, I’m taking my time. I will not rush. When I wake up in the morning, I’ll ask myself if today is the day and when it is I will start but not until that day. Not until I’m ready to start doing the daily ritual and begin to truly devote myself will I begin. I have to be patient.
I have to trust in the process.